The Problem

I recently acted in an incredible written scene called 'The Problem' in my acting for TV and film class. I must say, I did have an exceptional time. My scene was about an a man being fired who worked for a law firm. The scene took place his (Darryl Watson's) and consisted of a conversation with another co-worker and friend trying to explain to him that the reason he got fired was because he is a drunk. The problem is he is in denial and does not want to admit to the problem at first.

The scene is powerful. I believe that it commented on many different lifestyles but very subtly. When one ponders on what it must be like to be a drunk; to be caught in a mess so hard to escape; to be trapped in this perpetual state of abuse and addiction, sympathy is not commonly an immediate feeling and it is hard not to look down your nose at somebody in that position. When you think about it; its just another addiction. And sometimes the reason people start drinking is because they are looking to fill a hole that cant be filled.

All of these things had to be taken into consideration for my scene. And in a way; it changed me. It changed my view and perfective on those involved in addictions. It changed my opinion on why people even start and changed the way I look at those searching for happiness but looking in the wrong direction. What about having compassion for those who are, inevitably, less fortunate instead of comparing yourself to them.

Food . For . Thought

~J-Maali :-)

My Dream

I am a man of many dreams. If there’s anything good about growing up in poverty is that you are forced to do one of two things; dream or give up. Fortunately I have been elected to choose the latter. I remember daydreaming of better days to come when faced with adversity. And in those dreams; the most creative and magnanimous solutions to my problems arrive.

I want to be a man of multiple streams of income. Over a long period of 10 years or so; my plans have changed several times. At first it was “I want to be a basketball player”. And for a long time the riches and success that came along with a professional career in sports was very appealing to me. But that wasn’t where God wanted me to be. Than it was “I want to be a veterinarian”. That stemmed from a deeply rooted interest in animals. Although the passion is still there, the desire to go to veterinary university was just not there. Soon after I decided that I wanted to be an actor. That is where it all started. As I grew and matured I realized that my passion steed from the arts. Soon after I decided that I wanted to be a good person that loved God and enjoyed his life. I wasn’t have a career that I enjoyed. Now I cant wait to see where I get in twenty, thirty years Because I wasn’t supposed to be where I am today. Tomorrow will be another day of impossible possibilities.

Music, From Heart to Hustle

Music. Some say its from the soul. Some say its an extension of human expression. A lot say that it has changed. Over the years music has changed from the great artistic lifestyle to a hustle. Influenced by the moneymakers that changed it. Music used to be about life, love, struggle, faith and over all expression. Now music is more like a business. And the integrity of the art that it is, is vastly overshadowed by the value of money it makes

I am music

This marks the first session for the honest rapper

I think you find my antics quite dapper

You will probably find me quite familiar

I’m kinda silly now but watch me get sillier

Most of you have my lines memorized

You lie memorized as I kiss your eyes,

Your life jeopardized as I get these lies, in you.

Truth is I spin you, I win you over an over

I play your heartstrings like a violin with a butcher knife

Tugging and cutting every thing that holds you together

Hopefully I can steal kill and destroy your whole life

So I can keep you in my master’s clutches forever

I speak ignorantly because you can relate

Say things that you love and your so-called god hates

But I keep you drifting on the waves of my lyrics

My lyricists work hard so you can hear it

You fear it but I smear it all over you mind body and spirit

You feel educated with university and college

But I keep you in a blissful state of lack of knowledge

So you can close your eyes to the signs of the times

And how do I get to commit these heinous crimes?

I put it in line than pollute your minds

And have you believing it because it rhymes.

I find it easy to turn you against each other

Like I did slaves pinning brother against brother

Using money and chains in the 1700’s

To colonize nations that I’ve conquered and plundered

One question that we’ve always wondered

Is why you deprive your spirit when it has always hungered

Now I use chains and money as the envy of the rap game

Keep you in bondage bet tell you you’re free so you act the same.

I find it funny that you let me write about your entire face

Rhyming about your brothers and sisters is like a self inflicted slap in the face

And I don’t even really need to hide

Because I’ve convinced you I’m right and I have you on my side.

I do find myself hiding, arriving in your lives

Gliding under the lines of rappers that have fame

My workers say its fun putting sin in their verses

What’s worse is there sinning, stunting like their daddy’s

And beginning generational curses

I hope you’re happy

I’m just rapping, or am I just wrapping packages like hidden bombs

Impregnating moms

Through my imperfect songs

 Look at each other boys and girls

And stay tuned to this poisoned world.

.

The 'L' Word...

What is love? That’s an incredibly loaded question. It’s a question not to often asked but far too often answered. It’s a question that shapes us, changes us and most often influences us. We often find that love is something we want, but not necessarily something available. But what is love?

I’ve always been interested in love. I grew up in a household where I-love-you’s were more common than the reality of the words being spoken. In other words, I was very used to hearing it, but not as much feeling it. Its interesting that from an early age we were thought to say I love you to people close to us, people who are ‘deserving’ of our love. What I find interesting is not the ‘deserving’ part but the ‘undeserving’ people in our lives when it comes to love. I mean if we classify love as an action, or a willingness to serve whole-heartedly, than who are we not to love?

For a word that is so deeply complicated and heavily loaded, we to use it quite sparingly. It seems that the past few generations have lost track of the definition of many things. And as a result of the lack of definition when it comes to many things, the significance has been lost. And when something loses its significance, hasn’t it lost its value? Love is something to be cherished, and valued so much. But with it being the basis of our society for so long, having such an electronic, virtual, media run world, maybe we have lost the value of true love. Its significance has been boiled down to basic human desires and wants. That is where I think we went wrong. There’s still time for change but its got to happen fast. Or we might lose the message of love al together. That would be a sad, sad day.

Stereotypes; the inevitable perpetuation of discrimination

Stereotypes are talked about a lot in the media. Let’s face it; there all around us. We face stereotypes on the bus on the way to school or work, we face stereotypes when applying for a job, or simply walking down the streets. And more often than not, we face so many stereotypes, that not only do we believe them whole heartedly, we help to make them a reality.

Imagine walking home from work  at around nine o’clock in the evening on a long, very quiet back road. The street lights are on and you are reflecting on the stresses at work or that boss that got on your nerves today. All of the sudden you look about thirty meters in front of you and you see three young men. They are winter jackets and baggy jeans. As you begin to closely look at these three males, their jovial, bouncy way of walking, their rough and jagged looking apparel and their strong and abrupt voices in the silence of the night; you begin to create an escape plan. Just in case, you start to think about all of your personal belongings and what you should do should these rowdy gangsters decide to turn their attention you poor defenseless you. You begin to think about how hopeless you would be if the decided to rob you. And without even thinking, you cross the road and walk on the other side. ‘just in case’.  Are you a racist? Was that discriminatory or prejudice? Did you prejudge someone because of the way they looked? Or were you just making sure that you didn’t get robbed. After all you have a phone, $35.00, and iPod and that watch your mother gave you last Christmas. The last thing you want to do is risk it by walking past the crowd of potential killers.

I can speak so vividly about these types of things because all my life I’ve been that black guy down the street. A six foot five inch young man in a winter jacket ready at any time to leap out of my reserved manner and rob you for all you’re worth.  I’ve had to watch countless people walk to the other side of the road, follow me into isles in the supermarket asking ‘can I help you?’ in a concerned but obviously pre-conceived way. And if I had anything to say to all these people who were instinctively racist and discriminate, I would say; Hi, my name is Jordon.

Beauty, Real or Fake?

Over the course of my many years living, learning and working with youth, I have come to realize many general things about us as a age group and a culture. One thing that really interests me is this age of superficial beauty. I’ve always wondered about beauty. I mean, is it truly in the eye of the beholder? If so who are your beholders? Many people have attempted stories and articles about this very thing, but for some reason or another; it just doesn’t get very far. I guess I’m going to write about a different side of the rock.

Many girls say that they want to look beautiful. A black girl wants to have long, straight hair. A white girl wants to have curly full hair. An Asian girl wants to have long eyelashes and tanned skin. But a Spanish girl wants to have thin eyebrows and a petit waist. I find it interesting that many people just don’t realize how beautiful they are? I recently had a conversation about this topic with a group of girls. Some said that they just want to ‘impress’ guys and so that’s why they wear the fake nails, make up, hair, eyelashes etc. But when you think about it; there are lots of guys out there who don’t care about those kind of things. Who really care about how beautiful you think you are and your self-confidence. In my opinion, if you’re a girl who wants to go out with a guy who wants you to lose ten pounds, or wants you to wear a new weave every week, your going out with the wrong guy. Maybe the answer is just finding somebody who is going to appreciate you for you?

But that is something deep and challenging within itself. I mean, how many girls these days, beautiful girls, have such low self esteem. Many girls I’d thought had every reason to be confident; nice personality, great looks, popularity and smarts. But the truth is many have low self esteem because they are afraid of being the imperfect masterpiece that God created them to be. In a way, you’re calling God an idiot for making you the way you are? Maybe instead of investing 3 hours and thirty dollars a day on your hair and makeup, you should just look within yourself and find out what you think is beautiful? And not care about anybody else’s opinion?

I’d like to end with a challenge that I gave to one of my peers. If you tend to wear makeup or tight fitting clothes, or something you think enhances your look, girl or guy. Try going to school/ work out just going out without it. If you can’t, maybe you need to re-evaluate what makes you beautiful, and start on the road to recovery.

Wicked, an Unforgettable Evening

So I had the opportunity to see the musical production called Wicked about the Witches in the Wizard of Oz Glinda the Good and the Wicked Witch of the West and their relationship behind the scenes of the land of Oz. ‘It was as if you were watching the movie and somebody turned the camera and showed you what was going on over here.” And what a masterpiece it was.

The musical was amazing. As with every production I go to I entered the theater with an open mind and an open heart. In the darkness of the theater I willfully suspended my disbelief and walked right into the world that was created for me. I had a great time. I was sitting in the third row left of center. But somewhere in between seeing the amazingly smooth, majestic and spectacular set changes, listening to the live band play flawlessly in unison and believing every moment of the lives of the characters on stage I knew; my seat, my outfit or the person sitting next to me didn’t matter. All that mattered was my spirit connecting with the rich and beautiful art on stage and living through the whole story. I was not simply an audience member. I was a part of it. I was a munchkin in the land of Oz. And amazingly, for some crazy stroke of luck I was able to witness the entire story unfold before my eyes.